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Fanny, fatigued and fatigued...
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Fanny, fatigued and fatigued again, was thankful to accept the
first invitation of going to bed; and before Betsey had finished her
cry at being allowed to sit up only one hour extraordinary in honour
of sister, she was off, leaving all below in confusion and noise again;
the boys begging for toasted cheese, her father calling out for his
rum and water, and Rebecca never where she ought to be
There was nothing to raise her spirits in the confined and scantily
furnished chamber that she was to share with SusanThe smallness of
the rooms above and below, indeed, and the narrowness of the passage
and staircase, struck her beyond her imaginationShe soon learned
to think with respect of her own little attic at Mansfield Park, in that
house reckoned too small for anybody?s comfort
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CHAPTER XXXIX
COULD SIR THOMAS have seen all his niece?s feelings, when she wrote
her first letter to her aunt, he would not have despaired; for though a
good night?s rest, a pleasant morning, the hope of soon seeing William
again, and the comparatively quiet state of the house, from Tom
and Charles being gone to school, Sam on some project of his own,
and her father on his usual lounges, enabled her to express herself
cheerfully on the subject of home, there were still, to her own perfect
consciousness, many drawbacks suppressedCould he have seen only
half that she felt before the end of a week, he would have thought Mr
Crawford sure of chanel j12 watches her, and been delighted with his own sagacity
Before the week ended, it was all disappointmentIn the first place,
William was goneThe Thrush had had her orders, the wind had
changed, and he was sailed within four days from their reaching
Portsmouth; and during those days she had seen him only twice, in
a short and hurried way, when he had come ashore on dutyThere
had been no free conversation, no walk on the ramparts, no visit to
the dockyard, no acquaintance with the Thrush, nothing of all that
they had planned and depended onEverything in that quarter failed
her, except William?s affectionHis last thought on leaving home
was for herHe stepped back again to the door to say, ?Take care of
Fanny, motherShe is tender, and not used to rough it like the rest
of usI charge you, take care of Fanny
William was gone: and the home he had left her in was, Fanny
could not conceal it from herself, in almost every respect the very
reverse of what she could have wishedIt was the abode of noise,
disorder, and improprietyNobody was in their right place, nothing
was done as it ought to beShe could not respect her parents as she
had hopedOn her father, her confidence had not been sanguine,
but he was more negligent of his family, his habits were worse, and his
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manners coarser, than she had been prepared forHe did not want
abilities but he had no curiosity, and no information beyond his profession;
he read only the newspaper and the navy-list; he chloe white talked only
of the dockyard, the harbour, Spithead, and the Motherbank; he swore
and he drank, he was dirty and grossShe had never been able to
recall anything approaching to tenderness in his former treatment of
herselfThere had remained only a general impression of roughness
and loudness; and now he scarcely ever noticed her, but to make her
the object of a coarse joke
Her disappointment in her mother was greater: there she had hoped
much, and found almost nothingEvery flattering scheme of being
of consequence to her soon fell to the groundPrice was not
unkind; but, instead of gaining on her affection and confidence,
and becoming more and more dear, her daughter never met with
greater kindness from her than on the first day of her arrivalThe
instinct of nature was soon satisfied, and MrsPrice?s attachment
had no other sourceHer heart and her time were already quite full;
she had neither leisure nor affection to bestow on FannyHer daughters
never had been much to herShe was fond of her sons, especially
of William, but Betsey was the first of her girls whom she had
ever much regardedTo her she was most injudiciously indulgent
William was her pride; Betsey her darling; and John, Richard, Sam,
Tom, and Charles occupied all the rest of her maternal solicitude,
alternately her worries and her comfortsThese shared her heart:
her time was given chiefly to her house and her servantsHer days
were spent in a kind of slow bustle; all was busy without gucci black bag getting
on, always behindhand and lamenting it, without altering her ways;
wishing to be an economist, without contrivance or regularity;
dissatisfied with her servants, without skill to make them better,
and whether helping, or reprimanding, or indulging them, without
any power of engaging their respect
Of her two sisters, MrsPrice very much more resembled Lady
Bertram than MrsShe was a manager by necessity, without
any of MrsNorris?s inclination for it, or any of her activity
Her disposition was naturally easy and indolent, like Lady
Bertram?s; and a situation of similar affluence and do-nothingness
would have been much more suited to her capacity than the
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exertions and self-denials of the one which her imprudent marriage
had placed her inShe might have made just as good a
woman of consequence as Lady Bertram, but MrsNorris would
have been a more respectable mother of nine children on a small
income
Much of all this Fanny could not but be sensible ofShe might
scruple to make use of the words, but she must and did feel that her
mother was a partial, ill-judging parent, a dawdle, a slattern, who
neither taught nor restrained her children, whose house was the
scene of mismanagement and discomfort from beginning to end,
and who had no talent, no conversation, no affection towards herself;
no curiosity to know her better, no desire of her friendship, and
no inclination for her company that could lessen her sense of such
feelings
Fanny was black chanel handbags very anxious to be useful, and not to appear above her
home, or in any way disqualified or disinclined, by her foreign education,
from contributing her help to its comforts, and therefore set
about working for Sam immediately; and by working early and late,
with perseverance and great despatch, did so much that the boy was
shipped off at last, with more than half his linen readyShe had
great pleasure in feeling her usefulness, but could not conceive how
they would have managed without her
Sam, loud and overbearing as he was, she rather regretted when
he went, for he was clever and intelligent, and glad to be employed
in any errand in the town; and though spurning the remonstrances
of Susan, given as they were, though very reasonable in themselves,
with ill-timed and powerless warmth, was beginning to be influenced
by Fanny?s services and gentle persuasions; and she found
that the best of the three younger ones was gone in him: Tom and
Charles being at least as many years as they were his juniors distant
from that age of feeling and reason, which might suggest the expediency
of making friends, and of endeavouring to be less disagreeable
Their sister soon despaired of making the smallest impression
on them; they were quite untameable by any means of address which
she had spirits or time to attemptEvery afternoon brought a return
of their riotous games all over the house; and she very early learned
to sigh at the approach of Saturday?s constant chanel classic bags half-holi
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